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CRITICS / AUTHORS REVIEWS AND ARTICLES
BRIAN ORNDORF
Brian Orndorf

PUBLICATION(S)
• BrianOrndorf.com
• Collider.com
• DVDTalk.com
• eFilmCritic.com
• FilmJerk.com
• Modamag.com
• OhmyNews.com
• Sci-Fi Movie Page
• Sci-Fi Movie Page

CONTACT INFO
Email Critic

STATS
Total Reviews: 1464
Total QuickRatings: 1

CRITICS GROUP(S)
Online Film Critics Society

OTHER INFO
• Official Website(s)
• Location: East Coast


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WORST REVIEWED FILMS

Genre:   # a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
Results for All Genres ... (1-50 of 288) Next »
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T-METER
/
F
 
"Superhero Movie deserves a special place in the burning fires of Hell, where lazy writing, insipid direction, and an unforgivable eagerness towards bottom-feeding stupidity can roast along with the rest of the spoof genre's recent offerings." -- BrianOrndorf.com
Posted Mar 28, 2008
 
Superhero Movie! (2008)13%
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F
 
"Paranoid Park confirms that Gus Van Sant is so far up his own artistic anus, it's impossible to take anything he makes seriously anymore...a crisp, white hanky doused with cinematic chloroform pressed tightly across the face." -- BrianOrndorf.com
Posted Mar 12, 2008
 
Paranoid Park (2008)74%
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F
 
"Witless Protection is disgusting, racist, clueless, sexist, charmless, unfunny, infantile, mean-spirited, amateurish, and insulting. In other words, it stars Larry The Cable Guy." -- DVDTalk.com
Posted Feb 22, 2008
 
Witless Protection (2008)0%
/
F
 
"It's a total and complete misfire of intention and execution; an utterly worthless, unfunny sack of pain that doesn't deserve anyone's time or attention." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Feb 7, 2008
 
The Hottie & the Nottie (2008)5%
/
F
 
"OK, I get it now: Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are agents of Satan himself, and their recruitment video is Meet the Spartans...a new low even for these diseased buffoons." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Jan 25, 2008
 
Meet the Spartans (2008)2%
/
F
 
"It's a pageant of stupidity that hopes gushing wounds and deliberate fanboy-catnip slices of ultraviolent cheese will mask the reality that it's a worthless offering in an increasingly abused genre." -- DVDTalk.com
Posted Apr 1, 2008
 
Day of the Dead (2007)n/a
/
F
 
"Boy, this is the last time I listen to my penis for movie selection advice...watching Anderson and Richards squirm, shimmy, and squeal their way around this stinker is enough to make one give up on the dream of overinflated, untalented starlets forever." -- DVDTalk.com
Posted Feb 3, 2008
 
Blonde and Blonder (2007)n/a
/
F
 
"It's easy to hog pile on Jessica Simpson, and certainly "Blonde Ambition" makes a great case to grab a flaming torch and run her out of the acting world for the rest of time. Perhaps if Simpson acted like an adult for once it would be a different story." -- DVDTalk.com
Posted Jan 21, 2008
 
Blonde Ambition (2007)14%
/
F
 
"A vile, joyless, murky, moronic, amateurish, contemptuous, numbing, unintentionally hilarious, and thoroughly diseased motion picture...a middle-finger to the paying crowd." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Dec 25, 2007
 
Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)14%
/
F
 
"One of the worst excuses for a mainstream comedy to be found this year...a loathsome filmgoing experience, created by the brain-dead for the brain-dead." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Oct 19, 2007
 
The Comebacks (2007)10%
/
F
 
"A horrid excuse for teen escapism...for those who find Hannah Montana too challenging." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Oct 5, 2007
 
Feel the Noise (2007)14%
/
F
 
"If there's a Hell, an honest-to-God place of eternal torment, Shoot 'Em Up would make the ideal introductory video, promising a lifetime of anguish to come." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Sep 6, 2007
 
Shoot 'Em Up (2007)66%
/
F
 
"It turns out Wan is a legitimately atrocious filmmaker, and Sentence is his Exile on Main St. of awful." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Aug 31, 2007
 
Death Sentence (2007)17%
/
F
 
"You see, when these barely legal billboards walk down the street in short skirts and porn star makeup, they're just expressing their creativity and livin' life to the fullest. Holla!" -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Aug 3, 2007
 
Bratz: The Movie (2007)7%
/
F
 
"Who could've predicted a bust for alleged cocaine possession, vocational self-destruction, and a general display of young Hollywood stupidity would be the career highlight of Lohan's weekend." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Jul 27, 2007
 
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)8%
/
F
 
"I never, ever imagined the experience of spending 80 minutes watching Elisha Cuthbert could be so punishing and vile." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Jul 13, 2007
 
Captivity (2007)7%
/
F
 
"Mix Blade, a dash of Point Blank, and one of the worst movies you could imagine, and that's pretty close to capturing the experience of viewing Rise: Blood Hunter." -- eFilmCritic.com
Posted Jun 2, 2007
 
Rise: Blood Hunter (2007)36%
/
F
 
"The film isn't simply bad, it's a trainwreck." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted May 10, 2007
 
28 Weeks Later (2007)71%
/
F
 
"Redline is a direct-to-knucklehead release that refuses to bow out gracefully." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Apr 13, 2007
 
Redline (2007)0%
/
F
 
"Wes Craven would like the audience to think they're having a nightmarish good time, but I don't recall repeated internal urgings to run screaming from the theater in unstoppable bad movie agony in the recipe for fun." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Mar 23, 2007
 
The Hills Have Eyes II (2007)12%
/
F
 
"The spirit of Edward D. Wood Jr. is alive and well, and currently taking up residence in the movies of James Wan and Leigh Whannell." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Mar 16, 2007
 
Dead Silence (2007)18%
/
F
 
"Daddy's Little Girls is a frightening step backwards for the Perry empire, revealing a filmmaker who I once thought was just kidding around, but now it turns out he's legitimately incompetent and irresponsible." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Feb 14, 2007
 
Daddy's Little Girls (2007)25%
/
F
 
"On January 26th, I have witnessed what is assured to be the worst film I will behold all year." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Jan 26, 2007
 
Epic Movie (2007)2%
/
F
 
"Essentially, the experience is watching awful actors playing dumb people in a story that carries no weight or emotional investment. This is one pup that needs to be put to sleep." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Jan 13, 2007
 
Alpha Dog (2007)55%
/
F
 
"It's desperately punch-yourself-in-the-face awful in every single way. Why oh why couldn't Billy gouge my eyes out?" -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Dec 25, 2006
 
Black Christmas (2006)17%
/
F
 
"Since this stars Dax Shepard, a more appropriate title for Prison might've been Relentlessly Awful, Laugh-Free, Cinematic Torture Device." -- OhmyNews.com
Posted Nov 17, 2006
 
Let's Go to Prison (2006)8%
/
F
 
"I've not witnessed a more torturously boring, convoluted, and eye-wateringly moronic chiller this year." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Nov 10, 2006
 
The Return (2006)15%
/
F
 
"There once was a time not too long ago when Dane Cook was a luminous comedic talent. With Employee of the Month, it looks like that era is over." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Oct 6, 2006
 
Employee of the Month (2006)21%
/
F
 
"Riddled with obtuse plotting and a noticeable lack of continuity, Pulse steams forward with such unabashed inanity, you really have to give your brain a rest to even make it to the end." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Aug 11, 2006
 
Pulse (2006)12%
/
F
 
"Sadly, Kane has all the cinematic presence of a shaved ape, and possesses acting skills that make Vin Diesel look like vintage 1974 Pacino." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted May 19, 2006
 
See No Evil (2006)7%
/
F
 
"That's how awful this picture is. It can't even come up with new diarrhea jokes." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Mar 24, 2006
 
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)6%
/
F
 
"Stay Alive consistently proves itself to be the most idiotic film this year that wasn't directed by Uwe Boll." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Mar 24, 2006
 
Stay Alive (2006)7%
/
F
 
"It's just February, and we've already found a film worse than BloodRayne. I didn't think it would happen that fast, but here we are." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Feb 17, 2006
 
Date Movie (2006)6%
/
F
 
"BloodRayne is a visual joke, with Boll limply organizing a period horror/action film with all the confidence and subtlety of Baby Huey, and with about the same level of literacy." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jan 6, 2006
 
BloodRayne (2006)4%
/
F
 
"Stunningly, the end of 'The L.A. Riot Spectacular' promises a sequel taking on the OJ Simpson trial. If I have to physically go to the west coast and prevent this from happening, I'm prepared to make that commitment." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Aug 4, 2006
 
The L.A. Riot Spectacular (2005)29%
/
F
 
"If you're new to this crazy Mel Brooks creation, this 2005 cinematic torture chamber is the last way anyone should experience it for the first time." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Dec 23, 2005
 
The Producers (2005)51%
/
F
 
"The depths of stupidity that Mix plunges to are alarming, even for something this intentionally insignificant." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Nov 23, 2005
 
In The Mix (2005)9%
/
F
 
"How else could a nightmare of sight and sound like Domino be explained? Tony Scott has lost his storytelling abilities, and now he wants to punish us all." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Oct 13, 2005
 
Domino (2005)19%
/
F
 
"Into the Blue is such a smorgasbord of action, clichés, and bad acting, that it will make your head spin in ways John Stockwell wasn’t counting on." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Sep 29, 2005
 
Into the Blue (2005)22%
/
F
 
"Stealth is a dreadful, forgettable, abusive motion picture, and it makes the January stinker Alone in the Dark look Kubrickian in comparison." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jul 28, 2005
 
Stealth (2005)13%
/
F
 
"The ferociously tedious and ostentatious Last Days is an insult to the sad life of a rock legend. " -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jul 21, 2005
 
Last Days (2005)60%
/
F
 
"Oh yes, it’s Catwoman bad." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jul 7, 2005
 
Fantastic Four (2005)26%
/
F
 
"Love isn’t insulting, just blindingly tedious, achingly unfunny, and negligently directed." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Apr 21, 2005
 
A Lot Like Love (2005)42%
/
F
 
"Horror audiences should come to realize that Hollywood hates them if this is the best effort they could provide after making the same movie twice." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Feb 25, 2005
 
Cursed (2005)16%
/
F
 
"If anyone were pondering what Ed Wood would be like today if he were armed with foreign financing and computer effects, look no further than Uwe Boll." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jan 26, 2005
 
Alone in the Dark (2005)1%
/
F
 
"Are We There Yet? is an appalling experience that no adult (or kid for that matter) should be subjected to. On the plus side, it makes for great birth control." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jan 20, 2005
 
Are We There Yet? (2005)12%
/
F
 
"Hate Christmas and laughing? This is the film for you." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Nov 23, 2004
 
Christmas with the Kranks (2004)5%
/
F
 
"If every year has a Showgirls, Saw is the prime candidate for 2004." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Oct 28, 2004
 
Saw (2004)46%
/
F
 
"Leave it up to Hollywood to make a film about how hard it is to be rich and famous." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Sep 4, 2004
 
Paparazzi (2004)18%
/
F
 
"It’s an empty, affected experience, and a 5-minute joke stretched out to 85 of the most soul-sucking, higher-power-questioning minutes found in a movie this year." -- FilmJerk.com
Posted Jul 3, 2004
 
Napoleon Dynamite (2004)71%

Genre:   # a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z
Results for All Genres ... (1-50 of 288) Next »
* Sort by Rating: Sort results by this critic's rating. This option is only available for critics with a rating system (4 star, letter grade, 1-10, etc.)
* Sort by T-meter: Sort results by the Tomatometer (percentage of critics recommending a certain movie)


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