It seems particularly perverse to take actors who helped develop the '60's thesping style of hang-loose, semi-improvisational immediacy and stick them in a creaky period piece glazed with arch gentility and ersatz quaintness.
The Golden Boys (2009)
Tomatometer
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Reviews Counted:17
Fresh:5
Rotten:12
Average Rating:4.7/10
Runtime: 1 hr 37 mins
Genre: Comedies
Synopsis:
A romantic comedy set in 1905 on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, “The Golden Boys” is the story of three retired sea captains who keep house together as a way to moderate the loneliness of their...
A romantic comedy set in 1905 on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, “The Golden Boys” is the story of three retired sea captains who keep house together as a way to moderate the loneliness of their retirements. As the story begins, chaos reigns in the house; dirty dishes, dust and disorder have become their bane. Together they hatch a plan to solve the problem: they flip coins, and the loser must get married and take the other two in as boarders. The three captains are Zebulon “Zeb” Hedge (DAVID CARRADINE), Perez Ryder (BRUCE DERN), and Jeremiah (“Jerry”) Burgess (RIP TORN). Jerry loses the coin toss, and they run an advertisement in a Boston newspaper to entice a prospective bride.
In the days that follow Captain Zeb learns that Web Saunders (JOHN SAVAGE), the local billiard hall proprietor, has received his “original-package” license, meaning he can sell alcohol. This enrages many townspeople, especially the “Come-Outers” -- a group of religious zealots that worship in groups in members’ houses each week. One particular “Come-Outer,” Captain John Bartlett (CHARLES DURNING), an octogenarian of infirm health, is a close friend of Captain Zeb. In a public meeting, Bartlett makes it clear that he wishes to destroy Web Saunders’ billiard hall.
Meanwhile, the captains receive twenty seven replies to their advertisement, and settle on one: a woman from Nantucket named Martha Snow. The three captains go to meet Mrs. Snow, but through a mix-up at the station, they mistakenly identify her as a very unattractive passenger, and Captain Jerry retreats to Zeb’s fish shanty, refusing to meet her. Zeb greets the real Mrs. Snow (MARIEL HEMINGWAY), escorts her to the local hotel, making an excuse for Jerry.
Later that night a fire erupts at the billiard hall, and the entire town, lacking a fire department, works furiously to put out the fire. Zeb searches for his friend Bartlett, finding him unconscious, apparently running away from the fire. Bartlett’s overcoat is singed, and an empty bottle, which smells like kerosene, is found in his pocket. Zeb throws the bottle away, hides the coat in the bushes, and fetches the doctor. The next morning he tries to find the overcoat, but it is gone.
It is decided that Bartlett will recuperate at the captains’ house. Since Jerry is still reluctant to marry at this point (even though the real Mrs. Snow is quite appealing), they use the excuse of Captain Bartlett’s illness as a reason to put off any talk of marriage. Instead, they hire Mrs. Snow to nurse Bartlett back to health, and in so doing, they get the best of both worlds: a woman to take care of the house, cook meals, and take care of their friend, without the pressure of marriage. However, their luck is tied to Bartlett’s health; if he dies, Jerry will have to marry Mrs. Snow, who has endeared herself to all three men with her strong-willed personality, sensible nature, and great cooking. Perez, a lifelong bachelor, in particular seems to be suddenly interested in Mrs. Snow, but he’s also trying to avoid the interest of town gossip Melissa Busteed (ANGELICA TORN).
Bartlett’s condition seems to be worsening. Soon, his granddaughter, beautiful Elisabeth Preston (CHRISTY SCOTT CASHMAN), a student at Radcliffe, arrives. She gets the attention of young and handsome chief electrician at the off-shore inter-continental cable station, Ralph Hazeltine (JASON ALAN SMITH). The attraction seems mutual.
Suddenly, after receiving a letter, Elisabeth starts to act erratically. Eventually Zeb gets to the bottom of Elisabeth’s sudden change in behavior: she is being blackmailed by Web Saunders, who found Bartlett’s overcoat and has threatened to expose Bartlett as an arsonist if he is not paid. Zeb takes matters into his own hands, and, through cleverness and sheer will, ends the blackmail.
Bartlett finally expires, and the pressure is back on Jerry to propose to Mrs. Snow. Jerry begs for a month to get up the nerve to ask her, but Perez and Zeb only agree to one week. A few days later, a violent northeast storm hits. Zeb gets word that a there has been a shipwreck, and he makes his way to the life-saving station on the outer beach, to see if he can assist in the rescue. Instead, he finds the lifesaving crew in jeopardy, clinging for their lives to their overturned lifeboat. Risking his own life, Zeb launches a small skiff into the wild sea and massive waves, and although he arrives too late to save everyone, is able to rescue one crew member.
Through the ordeal, he realizes all he could think about was Martha Snow. Returning home, he immediately proposes to her, she accepts, and he is now faced with telling his old friend Jerry.
He seems to take the news hard, but as soon as he is alone, he dances a few steps of a jig and thanks heaven for his good fortune. --© Official Site
Starring: David Carradine, Rip Torn, Bruce Dern, Mariel Hemingway
Starring: David Carradine, Rip Torn, Bruce Dern, Mariel Hemingway, Charles Durning, John Savage, Angelica Torn, Christy Scott Cashman, Jason Alan Smith, Julie Harris
Director: Daniel Adams
Director: Daniel Adams
Screenwriter: Daniel Adams
Producer: Michael Mailer
Composer: Jonathan Edwards
Studio: Roadside Attractions
Reviews for The Golden Boys
The three vets are a delight to watch, even if the movie around them remains soggy.
This tale of three codgery sea captains looking for a wife is not all that romantic, or especially comic.
Taking place in 1905, this harmless serving of maritime malarkey may also boast the most liver spots on screen since Cocoon.
The Golden Boys is an object lesson in how to squander a seasoned cast, a charming premise and a breathtaking location.
peddles safe humor that's mashed up and spoon-fed to an audience craving toothless comedy
Picturesque if plodding indie romantic comedy about three salty dogs in 1905 Cape Cod who bring in a would-be bride to keep house.
Trying to sit through The Golden Boys is like trudging across the Cape Cod sand in galoshes during a nor'easter with a mule on your back.
All the admirable shipyard textures and thespian marquee value can't fog the fact that while peaceful, The Golden Boys is about as thrilling as an Abe Simpson bedtime story.
Aside from the occasional magical shot or affecting actor moment, it's a film whose poverty betrays most every frame.
You can feel yourself growing older in the 90 minutes it takes to watch this horrid piece of filmed dinner theater.
Imagine! It's an amusing, high-spirited romantic picture about senior citizens. What will they think of next?
The sheer delight of this salty boy talk elder outing, with lifelong fierce courage on the high seas but acute commitment panic when females are around, is how creatively goofy this gang of confirmed and born-again bachelors can be when fleeing romance.
The ambiance of early 1900 Cape Cod is a character in this all-too-slight movie that could play better on cable, DVD, or an off-off-Broadway stage.
Latest News for The Golden Boys
April 16, 2009:
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