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News / Columns / Critics Consensus
Critics Consensus: Race to Witch Mountain Doesn't Cast A Spell
Plus, Last House on the Left falls short of the original, and Miss March is largely laugh-free.
by Tim Ryan | March 12, 2009
Discuss Article

This week at the movies, we've got a supernatural quest (Race to Witch Mountain, starring Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and AnnaSophia Robb), a vengeance thriller ( Last House on the Left, starring Sara Paxton and Garret Dillahunt), and playmate pratfalls (Miss March starring Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore). What do the critics have to say?


43%
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Rotten

Race to Witch Mountain

Race to Witch Mountain finds Disney attempting to resurrect a franchise that delivered some sizable hits for the studio in the 1970s. However, critics say the reboot is only sporadically successful, despite the best efforts of a talented cast. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson stars as an ex-con cabbie who picks up two teens with supernatural powers; together, they attempt to elude government officials and ominous forces. The pundits say the cast is just fine, especially the Rock, who mixes toughness and good humor with panache. But the rest of the film is alternately too noisy and not exciting enough to maintain interest throughout. (Check out star Carla Gugino's five favorite films, and our rundown of the finest live-action Disney films.)


41%
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Rotten

The Last House on the Left

Wes Craven's original The Last House on the Left was a horror movie touchstone, a film so violent in its time that even its poster had to reassure audience members that it was only a movie. Critics say the remake (which Craven produced) is stylishly crafted and effective in spots, but it misses the spirit of the original by miles, lacking Craven's bleak artistry and his sense of social commentary. Sara Paxton stars as a young woman who is brutally attacked by a prison escapee and his flunkies. She flees to the supposed safety of her house, but when her parents discover that they're harboring the very thugs who attacked their daughter, they exact their own brand of revenge. The pundits say the film is better-made than most, but it's ultimately pretty generic, substituting the dark subtleties of Craven's landmark film with oodles of gratuitous gore.


4%
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Miss March

Unless your taste runs toward the bottom-of-the-barrel lowest common denominator, the critics say you may want to scratch Miss March off your calendar. The film stars Zach Cregger (who also directed with co-star Trevor Moore, both part of the the Whitest Kids U' Know comedy troupe) as a young man who awakens from a coma to discover his once-chaste high school significant other is now a Playboy centerfold. The pundits say Miss March is crass, unfunny, and poorly made, a gross-out comedy with little beyond scene-stealer Craig Robinson to recommend it.


Also opening this week in limited release:

  • The Turkish import Three Monkeys, a noirish drama about a politician who flees a hit-and-run accident with multifaceted consequences, is at 96 percent.
  • Kiyoshi Kurosawa's Tokyo Sonata, a dramedy about a recently fired businessman who loses control of his family, is at 90 percent.
  • Mary Stuart Masterson's directorial debut The Cake Eaters, starring Kristen Stewart in a coming-of-age tale about a teenager with a rare neurological disorder, is at 88 percent.
  • Carmen and Geoffrey, a documentary about two of modern dance's greatest pioneers, is at 80 percent.
  • Sunshine Cleaning, an indie about a pair of sisters in the business of cleaning up crime scenes that stars Amy Adams and Emily Blunt, is at 72 percent.
  • The Edge of Love , starring Keira Knightley and Sienna Miller in a period drama about the loves of Dylan Thomas, is at 59 percent.
  • Severed Ways, about a group of Vikings navigating the treacherous terrain of the New World, is at zero percent.

Related Items
Movie: The Last House on the Left
Miss March
Three Monkeys
Tokyo Sonata
The Cake Eaters
Carmen and Geoffrey
The Edge of Love
Sunshine Cleaning
Severed Ways
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Comments (1-20 of 24 posts) | Reply
ledawg
ledawg writes:
on Mar 12 2009 04:42 PM

What's that smell? Oh man, it's getting stronger! Oh, "Miss March", quite possibly the worst film of the year, is being released. Anyway, Tim, you should've said "Don't 'Race to Witch Mountain'". Huh, huh, good? No? Okay.

(Reply to this)
collex
collex writes:
on Mar 12 2009 04:53 PM

Witch Mountain seems a must-rent, if only for the Rock (I saw the Rundown again last week. That movie is still good fun. And it got Schwarzy!)

This week, I'm going to see Watchmen (again) with a group of friends, in English this time.


(Reply to this)
ledawg
ledawg writes:
on Mar 12 2009 05:22 PM

In reply to this comment (#2369409)
Well, The Rundown is fun, but that dosen't mean everything the Rock does is good. Most of his films...well.

(Reply to this)
ARTaylor
ARTaylor writes:
on Mar 12 2009 05:37 PM

I remember after just seeing the trailer that Miss March was going to be absolutely terrible. When the trailer can't muster up one decent scene to entice the audience you know it's going to flop.

(Reply to this)
Trufire
Trufire writes:
on Mar 12 2009 06:39 PM

The Rock is a decent actor imo. I honestly don't mind him. Personally, I think he has only gotten better over time and can think of a lot worse actors. I'll see RtWM and LHotL this weekend sometime.

(Reply to this)
Hans M.
Hans M. writes:
on Mar 12 2009 07:52 PM

Miss March-- I barely even remember the trailer. Totally not my thing, so I'm not surprised with the rating. Now let's talk about Kiyoshi Kurosawa coming out with a new movie... He's a very acquired taste, but I love his movies, so I'm hoping his new film somehow makes it to Miami. At least it is very well reviewed, so that could help. I also heard great things about Sunshine Cleaning (last year's Sundance Festival), so I was glad to see that finally distributed. Nice to see it was also well-received. Finally, despite the weak reviews (just barely weak at that), I hear the Edge of Love is pretty damn sexy.

(Reply to this)
kyle x.
kyle x. writes:
on Mar 12 2009 08:07 PM

Hi! Check out the brand new ____ InterracialConnect.CO M ____ There are Over millions of profiles from all over the world! No matter where you are or what you are, you can find someone you like. Sign up for FREE and have fun!

(Reply to this)
DarkShines2063
DarkShines2063 writes:
on Mar 12 2009 08:11 PM

Critic consensus for The Last House On The Left: Excessive and gory, this remake lacks the intellectual punch of the 1972 original.

How exactly did the orignal film have any intellectual meaning behind it though?.it was a violent grindhouse movie.what was the 'social commentary' trying to say?


(Reply to this)
BILL M.
BILL M. writes:
on Mar 12 2009 08:36 PM

If anybody other than "THE ROCK" had done RtWM,it would fall on its ***. It's like a montage of other films in one. Johnson will bring some much-needed humor to this film,though.

(Reply to this)
LinoBrocka
LinoBrocka writes:
on Mar 12 2009 08:42 PM

That's always the problem with critics and remakes. They always say something like this: "It lacks the imaginaton of the original" or "Does not excite the same way as the original did" or "Lacks the sould of the original"

Nevermind the fact that IN A LOT OF TIMES, the original sucked as well but people just gave it the benefit of the doubt because it's old.

Take The Day the Eath Stood Still. While the new one isn't exactly mind blowing, the first one was a little worse.



(Reply to this)
Almost.Famous
Almost.Famous writes:
on Mar 12 2009 08:57 PM

In reply to this comment (#2369608)
You're Actually thinking that the new Day the earth stood still was better than the first? WTF

(Reply to this)
LinoBrocka
LinoBrocka writes:
on Mar 12 2009 09:06 PM

i'm saying that it's not as bad as it was said to be and yes, it's better


(Reply to this)
ledawg
ledawg writes:
on Mar 12 2009 09:28 PM

In reply to this comment (#2369635)
LOL! Good one.

(Reply to this)
HectorMoran91
HectorMoran91 writes:
on Mar 12 2009 10:09 PM

Honestly was anybody surprised with the reviews any of these films got?

(Reply to this)
Almost.Famous
Almost.Famous writes:
on Mar 12 2009 10:29 PM

In reply to this comment (#2369635)
Well i do think i was better than it was said to be too. In Fact I really enjoyed the new one. I just Don't think its as good as the original.

(Reply to this)
ledawg
ledawg writes:
on Mar 12 2009 11:10 PM

In reply to this comment (#2369680)
I expected "Last House on the Left" to be lower.

(Reply to this)
ClownytheDowny
ClownytheDowny writes:
on Mar 13 2009 08:11 AM

the whitest kids u know is funny, but miss march looks really ****ty

(Reply to this)
whitey_mcwhite
whitey_mcwhite writes:
on Mar 13 2009 09:16 AM

In reply to this comment (#2369635)
You seriously lost all credibility in my book, and didn't even know you before. I love the old Day the Earth Stood Still, sitting there saying the new one is better, is like someone making a crappy remake with better visual effects of Night of the Living Dead and you saying, "The new one is better!" It'll never happen! You can't make a remake of a classic, lose the sociopolitical tones of the movie and expect it to be better.

(Reply to this)
Not L.
Not L. writes:
on Mar 13 2009 10:13 AM

What the hell is wrong with the Rock? Seriously.. the guy started off being groomed as the next big action star.. and what has he done since Arnold gave him the rub that should have led him there?

Comedies, kids movies.. crap..

When is he going to do a movie that will showcase his physical skills and the cocky personality that he showed while in wrestling? Rundown was good and was a starting point, but then does nothing worthwhile after that... might as well go back to wrestling where he at least was entertaining


(Reply to this)
Killer Rob
Killer Rob writes:
on Mar 13 2009 01:49 PM

Is the Rock going only by his real name Dwayne Johnson now? I have seen numerous previews for the new movie, and not once did any of them mention him as the Rock? I mean, it's no big deal I guess, just bad marketing in my book.

(Reply to this)
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