Joust
A film by Terry Gilliam

The game: Knights on various flying birds lance each other over pits of rising lava for survival and sweet scores.

Why Gilliam? Sure, there's no real plot to speak of but Gilliam has never been particularly strong at emotionally investing viewers into storylines. His strength lies in premise and visuals, and what's more visually appealing than watching dudes wearing visors, jousting atop ostriches, buzzards, storks, and even the occasional pterodactyl?

Dance Dance Revolution
A film by Baz Luhrmann

The game: Loud music, lots of arrows, and a dance pad.

Why Luhrmann? So Dance Dance Revolution is fairly lame. You're synchronized jumping, you're spreading your legs, you're making a public spectacle of yourself to house music. It'll take Baz Luhrmann, he of resolutely flamboyant vision, to take the game's frantic movement and cascade of color and noise, whilst adding a dramatic back story (probably something like West Side Story meets Step Up), to turn Dance Dance Revolution into a kitsch pop masterpiece.

Paperboy
A film by Larry Clark

The game: A week in the life of a paperboy hurling news and contending with occupational hazards like runaway trucks, killer bees, and the Grim Reaper.

Why Clark? Paperboy took gaming out of the realms of fantasy and science fiction, and dropped it onto the streets of suburbia (albeit a bizarro version where delivery became life and death). Meanwhile, Larry Clark inhabits the insides of homes that subscribe to these papers; showing the teenage bohemian squalor and debauchery that go on behind porch doors. Combine the two and we'll get a film that espouses a world view operating on extremes: sex and drugs on the inside, werewolves and breakdancers on the outside.

Rampage
A film by Joon-ho Bong

The game: Three humans who have mutated into a giant monkey, lizard, and rat proceed to destroy every major city (and each other), coast to coast.

Why Bong? At first, we nominated Cloverfield's Matt Reeves for the job, but, you know what? Rampage needs to be funny and Joon-ho Bong needs to make his big budget debut. Bong demonstrated in 2007's The Host he can combine violent creature feature with deadpan comedy. Now, let's see if he can prove himself with something multiplied 50 times in size. And with three of them. Hell, throw in a major plotline about trying to save the humans still trapped deep inside these cranky freaks and we're talking best kaiju movie ever.

Madden NFL '94
A film by John Madden

Yeah, John Madden's the guy who did Shakespeare in Love. Yeah, we know this joke is so awesome. We're going to leave this as is and continue on.

Animal Crossing
A film by Spike Jonze

The game: It's like The Sims: Twee Town. Animals and cute monsters explore, talk, fish, catch bugs, and buy a lot of crap they'll never use from a raccoon named Tom Nook.

Why Jonze? Maybe this is just based on our ardent desire for Where the Wild Things Are to be the greatest movie ever made. And to see Spike Jonze to follow that up with more tenderhearted epics about giant freaky talking animals. Now while Jonze is a fabulist like his peers, he's also more willing than Gondry, Jared Hess, and Wes Anderson to add to his projects some darkness, and a little real-world grounding. If anyone wants to see the logic of a Nintendo game translated for a wide movie audience, it's gonna need to be Spiked.

Operation Wolf
A film by Sylvester Stallone

The game: Take hold of the positional gun and blast through endless bad guy waves, via uninterrupted panoramic pans of jungles, villages, and insurgent camps. It's like Bela Tarr meets Michael Bay!

Why Stallone? With Rambo under his belt and The Expendables currently filming, Stallone's going to need one more to finish his trilogy revival of insanely aggressive 1980s machismo. I propose Operation Wolf. Something that requires no plot, no backstory, just reel-to-reel chaos and carnage. "There MUST be a way to cram more violence into 90 minutes," Bill Watterson once wrote. Stallone's the only filmmaker these days willing to take that bet.

Are you listening, Hollywood? Perfect Tomatometers are practically guaranteed for any of these projects! Readers, which directors and video games would you would you pair together?